This is my very first post. I am starting this blog in hopes of helping my family, and maybe other mothers and children, work through and understand the mom who doesn’t feel like a “normal” mom. I started my journey into motherhood at the young age of 18 and it has been a rollercoaster ever since. I didn’t do a lot of things right. I’m not perfect by any means. I keep making wrong turns and losing my footing…I’m human. I feel like society puts this pressure on women to be the perfect mom. Mom can’t have time for herself. Mom can’t care about anything that isn’t her children or family. This year I have two teenagers who have been losing their way and this experience has sent me into a whole new world of stress. I know my trauma and coping mechanisms have bled into the kind of mother I am. I am constantly trying to learn and grow and be the best version of myself that I know how to be. I am always trying to be self-aware and make a conscious effort to correct my mistakes, but DAMN I’M TIRED! I’m tired of everyone judging me based on this image of what I refer to as “the Pinterest mom”. Up until now, I used to tell myself, “To hell with what everyone else thinks. As long as my children are safe and taken care of and loved by me, I don’t care what anyone else thinks.” But this year I have those two damn teenagers; and teenagers are very aware, very emotional, and very impulsive. I have always had an open and honest relationship with my children. Sometimes I feel like that bites me in the ass but I always want them to feel heard. Now they are old enough to form their own opinions and perspectives and I find myself being judged by the babies that used to think I hung the moon. So I’m inviting my children and other moms and children into my world and my struggles, as I try to find the balance between being what my children need and being what I need for myself. I may struggle, or fall, I may drink alcohol, I usually cry, but I get up and I try again. Sometimes I am in bed for a whole day. Sometimes I forget about an awards ceremony or a field trip. But this is my way of showing my children the woman behind the mom. We often want to shield our kids from the struggles and trauma we went through. But I’ve noticed that now my children think I am invincible and I let them put me on a pedestal. Now I realize I just want them to know that I am also human.